Last night a cop pulled up as we waited at a crosswalk. He asked if my gingerale was beer. He was about 18 years old. Venice. We've been taking long walks at night. What's best is when the fog covers the beach, and you can see the lights of the Santa Monica pier all distorted and crazy through it. The ferris wheel there is phenomenal, it has these wild, colorful light patterns, multiple different ones in rapid succession.

I flip-flop re: whether or not I could live here long-term. I am not great about living in the moment, my mind always runnning running running. Guess what, meditation definitely doesn't fix that over the course of just a few months. Somewhere the Buddha is laughing at me. I experienced some bummed out time today, around employment. A wonderful friend offered me a job making molto dinaro while working very few hours, nannying for a well-known person, but they needed an immediate answer, and car ownership is an absolute requirement. I've never owned a car in my life. So the main part of my sadness results from confusion: do I want to really get into the lifestyle here, and get a car, to open up my possibilities? I allowed this to mess with my head way more than the situation warrants. Shoot, I don't have the cash to get a car. Anyway...
I think I'm also a bit lonely. I'm really focusing on job hunting, so I haven't had the chance to get involved in any community stuff. And I've not made the effort to visit our friends in Hollywood or Los Feliz. I realized today that I must make time, that balance is necessary.

In cheerier news, I found a yoga studio right around the corner. The classes are SO cheap. I went yesterday and feel amazing. If I keep it up, coupled with all the walking, I should be able to show off at Muscle Beach in no time. People here love showing off their bodies. It's both awesome and funny. Should I just give in and get Ugg boots and some mini-skirts?
Seriously, this place is weird. I see too many young women resembling aged bar-fly drag queens, for all the awful make-up they wear. That's snarky of me, I realize.

Again. Venice. We'll see.

I found out today that my friend Shelli died. The brain tumor that she'd been dealing with for a year and a half. We'd met in the therapeutic yoga class for cancer survivors. Our age united us (we were the only young people in a class). We were also diagnosed with cancer within a month of each other, we later discovered. I feel grief but I also understand that she is no longer in pain. she was in great physical pain the entire time I knew her. I wish she'd been able to meet my other friends so they could know her awesomeness but it was hard for her to get around usually.
I am so grateful we became friends. I loved her immediately, she inspired me and was so smart and interesting and a sweetheart. It was fun doing yoga with her every week. I'm grateful that I was able to meet her boyfriend and sister, go to their house, meet her scratchy cat, see her art work and the beautiful plants everywhere. I was so excited when I found out she was Jewish too (around the high holy days in October). I'm grateful too, that Jnani, our teacher, called to tell me about Shelli's passing. She said good things that made it easier to take this news.
I am very very sad. I wish I was an eloquent, graceful person who could write something beautiful for my beautiful friend. But I will write this. She was very tiny, so tiny you could pick her up with one arm easily. She had pretty brown hair and the sweetest beautiful face and a nose ring. She was soft-spoken. She was frank about what she was going through. She was generous and fun to be around. I felt safe next to her. She was the only close friend of mine who understood what it was like to be young and have cancer. I'm so sorry I missed her memorial service, which was yesterday. So i will go to the ocean now and sit there and draw pictures and send her my love in my own way. Right before Jnani called me I saw a beautiful brown and orange butterfly.

venice is clear and warm and good. after a month of acting the drifter on 2 coasts, i'm all gratitude for having a little place and some peace. the rabbit is happy. jacob and i are happy too. i tried living with a guy once when i was a dumb kid and it was a disaster. but I'm liking this. He's a great cook, we eat cheap and organic (about 5 farmer's markets around here each week), and we don't seem to get tired of one another. he won't let me put up my beloved frida kahlo art (lame), but i made him throw out tons of worthless garbage he didn't need (stoked). compromises! we moved down here after knowing one another for exactly 6 months. yup.

so, big surprise, it's not a good time to job-hunt. no one is hiring, there's a freeze on state jobs down here, and about 400 applicants for every half-ass part-time job i find. but when we set out to sell ourselves, it's like an adventure as opposed to anything scary or nerve-wracking (ok it's a little nerve-wracking. not only does money not grow on trees, it doesn't roll up in the tides either). we try to keep it light-hearted and make one another laugh when there's temptation to brood. I've gotten some helpful leads from friends, so thank ya'll for that. it means a lot.

but we live simply enough. i mean, the beach is half a block from our doorstep. the boardwalk goes on forever, you can follow the beach for miles and miles, through multiple oceanside cities. we live in venice but sit close to the santa monica border. this is a very walk-y and bike-y part of L.A., so it's not like everyone is living in their cars. there's so much to do that involves breathing delicious air and not spending a thing. i love the cruiser-bikes everyone rides here! they are hot, i really want one. we found a good local bike shop and the guy hooked me up and was great to talk to. we hung out w/ him for a long time.

people seem generally sweet and personable. definitely a beach culture, lots of buskers who are half outta their minds hold court on the boardwalk. it can be annoying but the circus is easy to avoid. one day a guy just ran up to me and grabbed one of my curls and twirled it. some audacious stuff. Venice and Santa Monica used to be sketchy. "The slum by the sea", there was lots of gang activity, poverty, and it was cheap to live here. Now SM is bourgie and shiny, it's so gorgeous! and Venice is getting pretty crazy in terms of rent, and quite a handful of celebrities around. But it retains a lot of it's nutterly charm and, like any city, there's upscale parts and sketchersville ones. people LOOK at you here. in SF, i feel like it's all about pretending you don't see the person walking toward you, but here, i feel utterly and openly dissected. yet not in a bad way, it's just different. capito?

today we hung out in Culver City for a bit (also quite close, a town of film studios, fancy restaurants, and the closest Trader Joe's), than walked a mile on the beach, meditated in the sand as the afternoon waned, and hit up the Santa Monica pier. Rode the ferris wheel as the sun went down. Nautical sunsets occur later than on the mainland. We have a longer day! we walked home being really silly and laughing, then found a cheap, good indian restaurant that is absolutely haunted (trust me). than some guy gave us free frozen yogurt.

This doesn't feel completely real to me yet. It's been less than 2 wks. it wasn't a huge move, like when I came to Oakland from DC over 7 years ago. But of course I miss my wonderful peoples in the Bay, and the hills, and my routine.
Also, I don't have a car and not yet sure if I'll get one. our friends are in Hollywood, Silverlake, or Los Feliz. It takes AWHILE to arrive there by bus. I mean, I love meeting new folks, and making friends comes easily to me, but strong forever-friendships don't happen overnight and they are to be appreciated. meaning, i miss you.

some final things to share before i stop for tonight: people blatantly go thru your garbage here so never throw out anything remotely personal, in 11 days i've seen more plastic surgery on people than i have in this entire life, and there are tons of really rich buddhists down here. AND I saw the mom from "Wonder Years" at Whole Foods, and she had a bible and she looked fabulous. true.