*so you had the best legs in a business built for kicks*

oh san francisco i heart you but i'm getting restless. why is this coming now? i've never had so many incredible people living so close. even the ones in L.A! but i left something on the east coast and i just want to say hello again.

at least i have some time to collect my thoughts now. the frenetic month of october is almost thru. many phenomenal people passed thru our fair city. the Swedes and Scott played the Turbonegro show. awesome to see them, and the norwegians were as sick as i'd hoped/dreamed. the Wolves boys also played here, BOH, w/ the Gossip. incredible show, and incredible to see Alex. meeting him last spring changed so many things and had/have me questioning facets i am unprepared to truly examine. i thought 4 months would change something, hah! i want to hate him, but probably i should be thanking him, for waking me up. so oui, merci, mon asparagus. until springtime...

i realize that it may be too late for my escape to be next year, if i want grad school to be the winged horse that gets me out of here. i'm trying to focus but recalling the way it's played, the statements of purpose seem too fake, i don't remember how to write this way. it's exhausting. trying to stay motivated. i'd like to take a few more risks, experience additional adventures that don't require surviving bar fights with scary, enormous drunken buffoons, navigating the ridiculousness that is the SF dating scene, over-working myself for no logical reason, or dodging cars driven by blind, brainless mutants while w/ poor Carrot. 'course california has offered me more magic in the world, more than those other cities, even Prague, ever did, b/c i was ready to see it by the time i arrived here. i could see myself ending up here w/ my true love when i am older. or as rachel said, w/ my kid in a gorgeous house i own in bernal heights after my first divorce! oh the cynics. oh messy life, ja ja ja.

i got the unicorn tattoo yesterday, not just to remind myself of my love for suzanne and for the importance of true friendships in general, but to stay inspired and youthful, silly and strong. i am f'ing grateful for my friends, and so in friend-love w/ the new ladies of my life. i haven't felt this much like myself in a very long time. rachel made us dinner last night and later, while we tore up the club in our ridiculous costumes, i realized that it was the first halloween i've truly enjoyed since i was very small. hurray for GNO in Triplicate. and hurray for everything i'm currently aspiring to reach.