We've been in Los Angeles for almost 4 months now. I am starting to realize that I would've been fine with a much shorter stay. It's an odd place, although I can only really speak for the area we chose to live and work (West L.A.: Venice, Santa Monica, and Brentwood,specifically). Despite working more hours at my temporary job, I've had nothing but time to think.

On one hand, I greatly appreciate the experience. I'm learning so much about myself, how I relate to the world and people. The lessons are predominantly unpleasant, but I will keep them with me and appreciate them for what they are. I see that I was spoiled by SF life, of living someplace for almost 8 years, esp during my extremely social 20's. I know many people there, am comfortable, situated. SF's an "easy" city in that it's small, almost everything accessible by public transport. It's where I've gone to school, done activism, partied like a rockstar, loved, survived. I still don't think that I want to stay there long-term. But I appreciate it much more for being away.

Por lo otro mano, I realize that a lot of my disappoint stems from myself. Because I let myself be disappointed by people, all the while knowing that true happiness is finding many things inside yourself. And yet I can't apologize for my disappointment with people in Los Angeles. My perception, tho still being so new after only 4 months, is that L.A. residents don't generally take responsibility for much of anything. Angelenos seem more self-absorbed than any other group of people I've experienced. As if it's "cool" to not give a shit. To not really listen when people speak to you. To focus on what someone can give you; do for you, as opposed to actually caring to get to know somebody. To be flightly. Selfish. To flake.
And flake.
And flake.
Initially I tried pretty hard to connect, to make plans, to reach out. But less and less, lately. We're here for about 7 more weeks, and I am trying to focus on saving money to pay back seemingly endless medical bills, meditate daily, run, do yoga, read, and gather my thoughts around a good thesis idea for school.
It's a little sad. Just to admit my disappointment in this place, it's humbling, tho really not a huge deal.

I appreciate the beaches here. The gorgeous parks and free museums. The wide, flat paths for jogging, so that you can feel the ocean breeze and smell fresh air. The almost daily farmer's markets. There's plenty of nice enough stuff to note. But nothing that feels great. Nothing seems worth the effort of trying to interact with people here and find some sort of meaningful connection. And I'm not even in a bad mood as I write this. It just is what it is. Tra la la, La-La Land.