Neutrophenia: a blood disorder in which white blood cells are too f'ing low.
Common in cancer patients receiving chemotherapy.
The One Thing keeping me in the hospital right now.
Treated with painful shots in areas where they can still find a fleshy part of you (I still have some of those).

My bloodcell count went up yesterday, and a tiny bit more today, but still no word to the nurse regarding discharging me. It looks like I may be spending the weekend here.
This means that my second round of chemo, set to begin this coming Monday, will have to be pushed back at least by a week.


My hair continues to fall out, violently, it seems to me.
Friends keep me from screaming, as usual. I've especially appreciated the many visitors and sleepover partners, as this long hospital stay was unplanned.

With Neutrophenia, I can not be near flowers or plants. I can not even touch fresh fruits and vegetables, due to common bacteria/germs on these things. I have to toss out all the lovely pumpkins people brought me.
I can absolutely positively not be near anyone who has been exposed to illness.
When I do my rounds through the hospital hallways, I have to wear a mask, as it's flu season and I have a shitty immune system right now.
Some of my friends are afraid to touch me, as they worry it will spread germs that hurt me.

I am trying to stay upbeat, laugh, watch movies, talk to people, make art, and not be sad, lonely or angry too often.